DOZENS FLOCK TO SEE SHROUD OF LA CENTER

TREASURED CLOTH HANGING IN TOWN'S FROZEN YOGURT SHOP BELIEVED TO BE NAPPING BLANKET USED BY BELOVED 1960'S MAYOR KLEIN WHOOTIGAN

BPA SAYS PROPOSED POWER LINES COULD BENEFIT LOCAL COMMUTERS

BPA artist's conception of proposed people mover 

COMPANY OFFERS TO INSTALL AERIAL PEOPLE MOVER IF PROPOSED 
500 KILOVOLT LINE APPROVED

"It would be a boon for commuters.  They'd glide along quickly and silently above the ground with their hair standing on end."  BPA spokesperson Chiclet Duardo

BANK ROBBER ESCAPES WITH DOZENS OF "NEXT WINDOW PLEASE" PLACARDS

Security camera photo of the suspect

"We're asking anyone to call us immediately if someone approaches them trying to sell Next Window Please signs."
Vancouver Police Detective Zorro Muldusky

OMSI STAFF "FREAKED OUT" BY AUTOPEN IN OVAL OFFICE DISPLAY

In this file photo, the Presidential Autopen is shown
signing the Patriot Act extension in March 2011

"IT TRIED TO GRAB MY HAND AS I WAS DUSTING THE DISPLAY AREA.  I WON'T GO NEAR THAT THING."
OMSI Docent Merlot Pickford

NEW OWNERS OF HISTORICAL VANCOUVER ACADEMY COMPLAIN: BUILDING IS JUST A HOLLYWOOD-TYPE FACADE

Rear View

Front View

"We were told it had offices, ballrooms and even a chapel inside, but the whole thing is just a fake wall being propped up by two-by-fours.  We paid $10-million for this?  I'm incensed."  
Fort Vancouver National Trust Director Bingo Pritchard.

TESTING OF NEW C-TRAN BUS RAPID TRANSIT COACHES UNDERWAY

"The trip down Fourth Plain should take about 20 seconds."
C-Tran Spokesperson Dilly Dee Pacquisto

Related News: 

BUS RAPID TRANSIT WINS OXYMORON AWARD 

"It's probably the best transportation-related oxymoron since Dodge Ram."  

National Oxymoron Board President Angus Terwilliger

ODOT UNVEILS PLAN FOR FOILING DRIVERS TRYING TO AVOID CRC TOLLS

INTERSTATE 205 BRIDGE PAVEMENT TO BE TORN OUT 
STATE HOPES RUTTED, DUSTY ROAD SURFACE WILL DISCOURAGE THOSE TRYING TO AVOID TOLLS ON NEW I-5 BRIDGE

Edited image depicts dirt surface on Glenn Jackson I-205 bridge 

"Sure, drivers can avoid the tolls and take the 205 bridge for free, but they better enjoy going to the car wash."

ODOT Spokesman Ellis "Ding" Dong